they make me repeat myself

8 year olds know better

if your eight year old leaves school, alone, to buy sour keys at the local bakery, your kid is an ass.  kindergarten kids know they cannot leave school.  they know they cannot cross the road by themselves.  they know that leaving school for candy is stupid and they are going to get in trouble. 

by the age of 8 your child knows better.  so you cannot blame the school, the day care or anyone else.  your kid made a stupid decision and your kid is going to continue to make stupid decisions because you refuse to blame your kid for the choices she makes. 

my email to you seemed to infer it was all her fault - that is what you said.  here is why.  it WAS all her fault.  when she ends up in juvie, it is going to be that she made bad choices and you will continue to try to blame others. 

you knew better at 8.  and if your kid really, truely doesn’t know - you have done a shitty job.

chris brown

i am not super controlling about my kids.  i try to keep them away from overtly sexual, violent or swearing for no reason music and try to expose them to a variety of music - not just the crap on 99.9.  HOWEVER they are NOT ALLOWED to listen to Chris Brown.  Period.  That piece of crap beat his lady and pled guilty, yet it has not done any damage whatsoever to his career.

we have families at the centre where there are retraining orders against the fathers for the same reasons.  yet in both cases the mom state that “he is a really good dad”.  NO, HE IS NOT.  he beats the crap out of your kids mother.  that makes him a terrible father.  he will never need to lay a hand on your kids to mess them up - his work there is done. 

one of these fathers had the nerve to say his expectations were not met at the centre when our language teacher was off sick and his kids didn’t get spanish lessons.  HA!!  you beat your wife, the police drag you away, your family has to go to a shelter and WE are not meeting expectations.  you and chris brown should go out drinking together….you clearly have some stuff to talk about.  idiot.

7 year old boys

are weirdos.  seriously - what is their obsession with poo, their penises and being general out-of-control wackos.  today one peed on a fence.  a bunch drew portraits of crap during art class.  another ran around with a naked Barbie, giggling like an idiot.  they all threw snow in each others faces and blamed each other.  they scream, make strange noises and like to argue. 

the parents of boys, ages 5-8, sould get an award if their child is not a total retard.  seriously…they deserve a medal.

i am officially glad i have girls and hope to god they are gay b/c if they date any of these wackos i will lose my shit. 

whitney houston and oprah are different people

so, last night the news broke the whitney houston had died.  the most shocking part to me was that she was only 48!!  jesus - i had no idea.  i am beginning to feel like my rise to stardom is going to never happen if her downward spiral was in full swing by 30. 

anyways, i digress….the main point of this post is the humour i have found in the stories of people posting pictures of oprah winfrey on their facebook feeds with the caption RIP Whitney.  seriously!  how stupid are people? at no point in the last 30 years have whitney houston and oprah winfrey looked alike.  they are both african american rich women.  that is where the similarity ends. one got super fat, then skinny, then fat again.  one was a coke head and totally out her mind. 

now, if you were to confuse michael and janet jackson - i get that.  when i was a kid i was convinced they were the same person.  just rotating albums back and forth.  one for michael, one for janet.  then they did a duet and it started to seem my theory was flawed.  then he died…she is apparently still alive so i guess i was wrong. 

like janet, oprah ( fat, skinny, fat) is still alive. 

first date

tomorrow kid 1.0 and her favourite boy are going to a movie together…with me….as they are only 10 and someone might steal them.  i think they think this is a date.  the question then becomes, where shall i sit.  clearly not in between them.  kid 1.0 would kill me.  so, do i sit with them, which is totally normal b/c they have never gone to a movie alone before or do i sit away from them, thus thrusting them into a new and odd situation. 

i am leaning towards behind them and whipping candy at their head - totally immature but there is no pressure to be grown-up, on their part, if their mother acts like an ass.  i may change my mind, but if you are in a theatre tomorrow and some old lady is throwing candy at kids, it is me.  and they will thank me for it some day.

i love lou grant

i aspire to be lou grant - my recent obsession with mary tyler moore had me thinking that perhaps i yearned to be her.  a successful independent woman who was gonna make it after all.  but turns out - i really want to be lou grant.  i want to have a bar in my desk drawer and get hammered at work, i want to have a ted baxter on staff that i can treat like crap and i want to be a smart ass who takes great joy in being an ass all day but still have people call me “ms j” and kinda like me.  but i am pretty sure that people frown on almost all those qualities in a person who works with kids all day - so until those admirable qualities are able to be life lessons i will simply through my hat in the air and spin like a twit.  and be drunk.

stupid noises

your kid makes stupid noises…all the time.  your child seems to think we think it is cute.  it isn’t.  your child is left out and ignored and teased because you have not told him that being annoying is…well…annoying and that even 6 year olds know it.  it is not cute, endearing or some phase.  it is weird and annoying.  your child is not being bullied when kids ask the noise to stop….seriously….it needs to stop.  if you happen to ever stumble upon this blog, take this to heart.  your child needs to stop the noises….now……please…….

naptime

i am seriously considering adding naps into our program at work.  the only downside i can forsee is that i will fall asleep and start snoring….but i am not sure that i even care about that.  i think the kids would be way better if they napped and god knows i could use the hour of quiet while they power-up.  of course, the other option is just to leave for an hour and do something non-kid related and that would also help my sanity.  food for thought - to nap or not to nap…